Life is hectic. Love is blind. We fall and feel and feign too much. My life is a mess, let alone attempting to be aware and involved in others' lives. And it's amazing how much one person can affect your world.. And you, my friends, it's like we're ALL falling apart...
Is life not hard enough as it is? Is it so difficult to get the break we so badly want? The first couple days murdered me; the only thing stopping myself from ripping out my beating, bleeding, beaten, bruised, broken heart was the fact that it's practically impossible to do so... I feel monotonous, I feel robotic.... I find immense joy in solving a mathematical equation of physics, for goodness's sake... Can life never give us what we so want the most, and let us keep it? You're hope there's a way to get everything you want when you most want it, and even if you make mistakes, they won't fade away... You don't have to try to manage to survive without them, because they will always be there... You know, patience is a virtue I do not come by easily, when it is being tested...
To those who are listening, it's horrible to love someone so much you'd do literally *anything* for them.... To have them love you back so much, you can't understand at ALL when they leave... To have someone you spoke of your future together with... To create a world of dreams and fantasies that you immediately hold so DEAR to your heart, and they're not just in your head, because you both talked about them... You both practically lived them out in your minds... You did it all, together...
I want everything to pause for just a moment, instead of everything being go, go, go. I want life to pause and rewind, then pause again. Go back to before I made mistakes, so I can redo things and make things OK now...
I hate mistakes that you can't take back... They obliterate you and your soul...
